I wish to establish that, Afrikan Women have always been LEADERS- long before slavery! Understand, there is a great distinction between our historical “Matriarchal” social orders and the current “Patriarchal” system. Not only has there been an imbalance in "Black" families, but in all of society- since "they" (Western Greek euro-centrics) threw the African mother (Aset) out of the holy trinity. I contend that most religious systems of this day are patriarchal in nature (Hebraic, Christian, Islamic, etc.)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH USING OUR OWN INDIGENOUS AFRICAN FAMILY STRUCTURES? WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH CO- REGENCY AND DUAL LEADERSHIP?!!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH USING OUR OWN INDIGENOUS AFRICAN FAMILY STRUCTURES? WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH CO- REGENCY AND DUAL LEADERSHIP?!!!
So you wish to decapitate or sacrifice your queen? This is just more of the pariah of self-hatred and the slave mentality! Remember, BLACK men were PROGRAMED by slavery too! Some BLACK men were (often willingly) used as studs to rape and breed children for their white slave master! So even now, we find Afrikan men who are socialized to not be willing to build families and dynasties. They often just want control from a euro-centric standpoint without responsibility! They want to "play house" yet they are absent from their children, and have abandoned their families and communities.
I have always addressed the man in my life as King in our relationship. Yet, often, I was held suspect and even in contempt! It was as if -He could be King, yet I had to be his servant, or maid- unworthy to be his Queen! Many "Black" men have been broken to be leaders because of the "Willie Lynch Syndrome" (Mothers love and protect their sons, raising them to be strong and docile and raise their daughters to be independent.) WE also have the "Peter Pan issues" (I don't want to grow up, I just want to play.) Also, some "Black" men will condescend and let their egos get in their way and beat women and children with physical violence. They become dictatorial wolves, instead of shepherds of their households. A HUSBAND has to be wise enough to recognize his WIFE's dominion in the household. It is as if he was afraid or insecure of an intelligent and mature mate. They want a timid child as a sign of submissiveness.
I have read that caucasian males commit suicide on their way down the ladder of success, while "Black" males more likely commit suicide on their way UP to success! When they see themselves reaching a level of success they unconsciously undermine that success and their relationships! It is easier to sit on the bottom, in fear of success, and blame slavery, racism or our childhood...but never strive to work harmoniously and positively toward a successful solution and way to live.
We must pursue unity in our relationships. This really matters because we are forced to live in a purely "patriarchal' society and since this is the way of the world, the emasculation of the Black Man was by design. However, we must come to accept that it is not so much about us giving up control, it is the idea of being controlled period. In every scenario we are and have been forced to acclimate and survive for the welfare of our families. Before blaming the Black Woman, let us first find cause to Thank Her! Thank Her for understanding and filling that void within the Black home. Thank Her for still finding it in her heart to Love, Protect and Provide. Thank Her for remaining LOYAL to the Black Man even though he at times finds reason to abandon her. Love her and then, when the Black Man says to her, "Mama I'm Home and Thank You- Together we can hold it down without holding each other down!" It may have very well been role reversal, but we played our role as did the Black Man. It is a by-product of conditioning, the conditions that we as Black Women found ourselves. We as Black Women are warriors of a different kind and should be recognized for that. We Love, We Laugh, We Lift and We Lead when there was no-one to stand WE STOOD!
We don't need to be jostling for position. If I have to be less than what I am in order for you to be then that is dysfunctional. Yet, if you can recognize and respect my strength and weakness, as I do yours, then we "compliment" not "compete" one another. Two Heads are often better than one.
We must re-define what it is that we really want, if u just wanna rule a house, raise some children, or rule the world -love your woman as she loves you!
I would like to recomend my sisters and brothers who struggle with these ideas to read the book, "The Cultural Unity of Africa" by Cheikh Anta Diop's . We don't need to replicate the imbalance of power evidenced by the hetero-patriarchal, nuclear family structure of the European with woman as property. Our cultural traditions, even during the period of enslavement were about extended family networks, e.g. communi-families that included shared responsibility for raising children and the protection and well-being of all its members.
We need to return to the principles of Ma'at: Order, Balance; Reciprocity. We also need all hands on deck (self actualized Black men AND women) in order to repair, heal; lift our communities.
I have always addressed the man in my life as King in our relationship. Yet, often, I was held suspect and even in contempt! It was as if -He could be King, yet I had to be his servant, or maid- unworthy to be his Queen! Many "Black" men have been broken to be leaders because of the "Willie Lynch Syndrome" (Mothers love and protect their sons, raising them to be strong and docile and raise their daughters to be independent.) WE also have the "Peter Pan issues" (I don't want to grow up, I just want to play.) Also, some "Black" men will condescend and let their egos get in their way and beat women and children with physical violence. They become dictatorial wolves, instead of shepherds of their households. A HUSBAND has to be wise enough to recognize his WIFE's dominion in the household. It is as if he was afraid or insecure of an intelligent and mature mate. They want a timid child as a sign of submissiveness.
I have read that caucasian males commit suicide on their way down the ladder of success, while "Black" males more likely commit suicide on their way UP to success! When they see themselves reaching a level of success they unconsciously undermine that success and their relationships! It is easier to sit on the bottom, in fear of success, and blame slavery, racism or our childhood...but never strive to work harmoniously and positively toward a successful solution and way to live.
We must pursue unity in our relationships. This really matters because we are forced to live in a purely "patriarchal' society and since this is the way of the world, the emasculation of the Black Man was by design. However, we must come to accept that it is not so much about us giving up control, it is the idea of being controlled period. In every scenario we are and have been forced to acclimate and survive for the welfare of our families. Before blaming the Black Woman, let us first find cause to Thank Her! Thank Her for understanding and filling that void within the Black home. Thank Her for still finding it in her heart to Love, Protect and Provide. Thank Her for remaining LOYAL to the Black Man even though he at times finds reason to abandon her. Love her and then, when the Black Man says to her, "Mama I'm Home and Thank You- Together we can hold it down without holding each other down!" It may have very well been role reversal, but we played our role as did the Black Man. It is a by-product of conditioning, the conditions that we as Black Women found ourselves. We as Black Women are warriors of a different kind and should be recognized for that. We Love, We Laugh, We Lift and We Lead when there was no-one to stand WE STOOD!
We don't need to be jostling for position. If I have to be less than what I am in order for you to be then that is dysfunctional. Yet, if you can recognize and respect my strength and weakness, as I do yours, then we "compliment" not "compete" one another. Two Heads are often better than one.
We must re-define what it is that we really want, if u just wanna rule a house, raise some children, or rule the world -love your woman as she loves you!
I would like to recomend my sisters and brothers who struggle with these ideas to read the book, "The Cultural Unity of Africa" by Cheikh Anta Diop's . We don't need to replicate the imbalance of power evidenced by the hetero-patriarchal, nuclear family structure of the European with woman as property. Our cultural traditions, even during the period of enslavement were about extended family networks, e.g. communi-families that included shared responsibility for raising children and the protection and well-being of all its members.
We need to return to the principles of Ma'at: Order, Balance; Reciprocity. We also need all hands on deck (self actualized Black men AND women) in order to repair, heal; lift our communities.
